The "getting screwed from friends and work" plan

 Eddie Brown. That was the name of the supposed "friend" I had back in the day who did me wrong with the CD.

On a more recent note, I've just had to tell a "good" friend to go take a hike. This person I won't out, because he needs to get his life in order, but in general I was just done with the constant alcoholism, asking for money, and constant re-visiting of old work topics that nobody can do anything about now. It was just... constant and it wore me down. The funny part is that despite me telling him "You do not contact me" guess what the guy does? Repeatedly? I don't know where I meet such individuals. It's a trend and I've decided to hold off on any friend-making until my general life is ready for one.

Work has been.... fun. I hate being reminded week after week about "unregretted attrition" targets, and how it needs to be met "somehow". I hate the constant reminders to tell my team to return to the office, always with the qualifiers of "only applies to the Seattle team, since nobody else has any actual desk to go to" and despite the fact it's lowered our productivity and collaboration since you know, HALF MY TEAM ARE IN DIFFERENT TIME ZONES. I hate how my manager seems to always be perpetually surprised at the amount of work and scope my team does, or how urgent it always is. It's like, have you bothered to observe anything at all? I hate the low-bar people Amazon hires to support us who have been there a long time. They all ask for yet another regurgitation of our scope that can be easily read on a wiki, all have opinions on how to run the show, and all fail to LISTEN AND UNDERSTAND us who have been there a long time. I haven't been talked-down to so much by job newbs in any given year at any job. I hate how literally none of the medical issues I have documented with the company are suddenly non issues to them when it comes to butts in seats.

I hate my job is basically what I am saying. Got the hint yet? Good, lol.

The house is finally finished being renovated. Some contractor dumbass left a leaky pipe on all weekend and it caused them to have to re-do the floor and walls downstairs, adding another couple of weeks to the ordeal. It's about to go on the market. Hopefully profits are enough to where I can say goodbye to work for a couple of years at least. I just can't hack it anymore. Despite what Amazon propaganda is out there, it really is a shit place to work and has never really changed. They started to get more employee-friendly for a while, but it's all a smokescreen and when push comes to shove, all that shit gets ignored under a mandate. I have noticed they have started that crap again this year and so now we also have to deal with newer people not understanding "what the problem or big deal is about just doing what the CEO says". Well, I'm not a 20-something fresh out of school without kids and a mortgage. This situation is not ideal for a happy home life. Sometimes I hope the negative shit I've been typing gets around and I get fired.

The money isn't even worth it. Not when everyone you know makes like 1/4 of what you make, and they constantly always end up asking you for money, and you actually have savings because you give a fuck about your future, but it all ends up going to them because you care they don't end up in the street too. It's a job. It's a paycheck. I have become a walking wallet to many people. Nothing more. Nothing less. Amazon and this economy/society can suck my unwashed balls. Others in my life seem to care only about how my kids are doing, when am I going to travel to see them, or my projects, or what I am wearing, or my new haircut, or what shape my beard has today, or the color of my glasses.

I feel literally invisible, as a human-being, to everyone except my kids. It's okay though, thanks to therapy, I have discovered I was invisible to my family for most of my life. You'd think I'd be used to it by now, haha. I have major coping skills tho. So, that's something.